


And they love each other so, Androgynous

by wolfslayer



Series: nonbinary spencer oneshots [1]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Fluff, Gender Dysphoria, Hurt/Comfort, NBLM, Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary Spencer Reid, Other, Projection, Sad with a Happy Ending, ethan deserved more than one episode, no heid and no moreid fuck yeah, them being cute n shit, yeah woo ethan is here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-05
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-18 06:01:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29853636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wolfslayer/pseuds/wolfslayer
Summary: Spencer is sad and dysphoric, Ethan comforts them, ah shit it's just really cute
Relationships: Ethan/Spencer Reid
Series: nonbinary spencer oneshots [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2194827
Comments: 1
Kudos: 14





	And they love each other so, Androgynous

**Author's Note:**

> part one of many to come. this is mainly projection, sorry it's short lol

Spencer was dysphoric. That was all they knew as they lay awake, far past dark, staring at the ceiling. Their eyes stared down the white drywall so intensely that they practically burnt holes in it. Often they looked in the mirror with reluctance and detached themself from their body. Life would be much easier if gender was irrelevant. They tossed and turned, but nothing could shake what they felt. Their throat was starting to tighten and their chest felt heavy. They tried to be quiet but to no avail. They just hoped that they didn’t wake their lover.

You don't even look like you try to be androgynous!  
You’re far too masculine, don't even bother.  
Male, male, male, male, male-

“Hey, darling, are you alright?” Spencer heard Ethan’s familiar voice fill the room with considerable concern. By now they were definitely crying. Tears fell silently and traced their reddening cheeks, forming a dew on their face. The light cut on suddenly, leaving Spencer weak. They were now on display for Ethan to see, the other man looking disquietly at Spencer unraveling in front of him. By now Ethan had advanced to putting a soft hand on his partner’s shoulder. 

Spencer couldn’t get any words out. Instead, they shot a pleading glimpse at their boyfriend. Their brown eyes were filled with a pang of guilt and shame only one thing could cause.

“I’m just feeling terrible, Ethan, I just can’t deal with this anymore,” they said, voice faltering to a whisper.

“With what, Spencer? I love you, and I want to help you,” Ethan affirmed, moving the hand on Spencer’s shoulder to cup their cheek. The warmth radiated onto him. Spencer dug their head into the crook of Ethan’s neck as a response.

“I can’t look androgynous no matter how hard I try, Ethan. I’m too tall, my face shape isn’t right, nothing works out. Everyone just sees me as a guy and it hurts too badly,” Spencer revealed, their voice almost too shaky to understand. Ethan frowned.

“Look at me, dear. I love you so much and I will never see you as male. Your identity is what you want to be and no one else can decide that for you, love. You can define your own gender,” the man added, watching a taut smile line Spencer’s face for a second.

“You promise you won’t see me as male?”

“Promise, sweetheart. Never,” Ethan assured Spencer, who was still shaken up.

“I think I’ll get some makeup or something soon. It’ll help, y’know? Contour can make me look less masculine,” Spencer mused, still holding on to the misalignment they’ve felt many times before.

“Whatever you want, Spence. I know you’ll look pretty,” Ethan said through a smile.

“Could you call me pretty again?” Spencer asked tentatively, smiling wildly and bobbing their head.

“Of course, you’re always pretty!” Ethan ran his fingers through Spencer’s long hair.

“I love you,” Spencer said before reaching over to turn off the light.


End file.
